Bigstouting, Suyaing, and Peppersouping

I am not a fan of Nigerian politics in the least bit, but I can now say that I have something or someone to look forward to whenever there is news about the Nigerian National Assembly. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon of the National Assembly. A former member and Speaker of the Edo house of assembly, Hon. Obahiagbon has a way with the English and Latin languages that I can for the lack of a better English word describe as 'Original'. He speaks English, Edo (I'm sure), Latin, and Obahiagbonian.

I know I might be late on this but I just have to introduce you guys to this genius of epic proportions. The man has way with the English language unlike any I've ever seen, albeit in heavily Edo-accented English. Even the great Wole Soyinka will be green with envy. Who else will say something like "Well let me just say I have been manically bewildered, in the words of Peter Pan, "Overghasted and Flabberwhelmed", when I am confronted by people as to what they stigmatize as to my gymnophysophist verbagogical gyrations...when I talk they just bomb in ceaseless sparkatum..." I admit the second part is my translation because for whatever reason - accent, static audio, speaking obahiagbonian - the audio was incoherent, but its pretty darn close. Maybe he was speaking what has been described as Obahiagbonian - his own invented language. Mr Obahiagbon was responding to a question about his over-use of his extensive vocabulary to express himself.

The thing about Hon. Obahiagbon is that we actually have to take him seriously, because if you get over the initial shock of his "verbagogical gyrations", as he would say, he is actually making a lot of sense - more sense than most of the clowns in the Nigerian House of Representatives. This man has immersed himself in the political dialectic. He has bathed in the aqua of the political crosscurrents, immersed himself in societal dialectics, and he is always ready for parliamentary work. He points out the failure of the government and places culpability where it belongs. He elucidates the complacency of his fellow parliamentarians when he chastises them, "... they should avoid regular bigstouting, suyaing, and peppersouping, these are not the real issues". Rightfully so. These are not the real issues. LOL. Most Nigerian parliamentarians see the House of Assembly as their ticket to prosperity instead of as a platform for self-sacrifice and national service.

Yes, parliamentary works goes beyond verbal exercises and gyrations, but at least somebody is taking the first step. Who knows, Hon. Obahiagbon might be at the vanguard of actually beginning a final turnaround of the foul political climate of Abuja. Americans complain about 'Washington' and the ways of 'Washington' in reference to the activities of elected American members of legislature who are more concerned about their political viability than the welfare of the constituents who elected them. But with all of the lampooning of 'Washington' and its ways, 'Washington' does not hold a flame to the self-serving and indulgent practices of 'Abuja' and it's corrupt and profligate inhabitants.

Check out Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon on Youtube under the title: 'Meet Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon, House of Assembly's Parrot'.
Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a_jdjiePqc

Watch the video before you read the transcript. The video starts at about 37 seconds in.


Full Transcript of an NTA Interview with the Honorable (It's not perfect but it's close.)

Bosede: Guess who I have on set. When you talk of political afraga flege, when you talk of sagacity, when you talk of bouahaha. Welcome to NTA live from the national assembly… honorable Patrick Obahiagon …also known as igodo migodo. You are welcome, sir.

Oba.: The pleasure is mine, Bosede

B: so, how are u today?

Oba.: Very good. In a proper order. Healthy. Always ready for parliamentary work.

B: I know you were at the Edo state house of assembly. So how has your experience in the state assembly prepared you for the challenges of the national assembly?

Oba.: Fantastic. Don’t forget I did 8 years at the Edo state house of assembly and by the grace of the grand architect of the universe, that opportunity has assisted me colossally in dotting the parliamentary “I” s and crossing the legislative “T” s and has put me in good steed for the due discharge of my parliamentary onnus probandi ……..because when you examine the relationship between parliament at the state level and parliament at the national assembly, the difference, if any, is one of a tweedledum and tweedledee, little or no difference.

The only difference of course being that, whereas in the state house of assembly you only impact on a micro terrestrial plane, at the national assembly, you are talking at a macro level. So if you ask me, there is a dialectical rapport between parliament at the state level and parliament at the national level. It is one of a microcosm in a macrocosm.

So in a nutshell, I want to say that my experience in serving as a legislator for 8 years, and my experience when I was leader of the Edo state house of assembly for 4 years, put me certainly in good steed for this assignment at the national level.

B: Is that why you have been a vibrant member of this national assembly as it were?

Oba.: Partly yes. Partly yes. It is terra ferma for me and not terra incognita. It is familiar to me and once you exceed of the nuances of parliamentary discourse and discobolus it follows therefore that it will be familiar to you too.. partly…but again, partly it is equally responsible….. for the fact that you cannot succeed as a parliamentarian if you are not cosmopolitan. You must be prepared to immerse (emesh?) yourself in societal dialectics for you to be able to contribute efficaciously in a utilitarian modus.

So, if you are a parliamentarian and you don’t go through the ritual of even reading newspapers, you don’t bathe yourself in the aqua of the political cross currents, then you are going to be dejumed?, you are going to be carnaristic? in your contributions. So yes, my experience in the state of assembly has been responsible for my vibrancy in one breathe. At another breathe, my desire to perpetually entrench myself in political, social and intellectual currents have equally contributed in its own steed.

B: So in essence, what challenge are you giving to your other colleagues?

Oba.: Sactas Simplicitas! They must avoid regular big stouting , suyaing , big stouting and peppersouping. Those are not the real issues. They must be prepared to immerse(emesh?) themselves in societal dialectics. They must put their nose to the grind stone. Chief Obafemi Awolowo the ikene philosopher said the difference between me and my other colleagues, was that when my other colleagues are cavorting in the dark alleys, I am in my library working myself 19 to the dozen.

You cannot succeed in life if you are not disciplined. You must be puritanical in your
predisposition, you must engage in an exercise of self purification and mortification, you must engage in an exercise of self abnegation, you must engage in an exercise of spiritual immolation. You must discipline the flesh. You must conquer the flesh. You must allow the spiritual aspect of you preponderate the material aspect, especially when you have been chosen to represent the people. So that at the end of the day, you can really say: vendi, vidi, vicki (veni vedi vici?)

B: what is the meaning of that?

Oba.: I came, I saw, I conquered.

B: Sir,just like I told you that you are vibrant contributor to debates on the floor of the house at times does it really bother you whether the people get to understand what you say because of those big big grammar.

Oba.: Well, let me say that I have been maniacally bewildered, in the words of Peter Pan, “overghasted and flabberwhelmed” when I am confronted by people as to what they stigmatize as my verbagogical gymnosophist gyrations. But let me use this opportunity to say that I have never set out…..I don’t deliberately set out to confuse my audience. Certain you want me to be dumb, when I talk, they just bomb in ceaseless sparkatum?. I bet you don’t give what you don’t have, what I have, I give.

B: So what is your parting word to Nigerians?

Oba.: My parting word to Nigerians is to be patient with the president of the country President, Umaru Musa Y’aradua. I appreciate that a lot of people at this time are becoming very critical in assessing the president because they believe that 8 months is enough to chart a visionary trajectory. I share those sentiments, but at the same time, let us not forget that the country was in a state of economical quagmire, political phantasmagoria and social stupor at the time the president came on board. So I appeal to Nigerians to be a little bit patient with him.

But at the same time, I want to appeal to Mr. President to see the victory in the cause as a wake up challenge, for him to leave the position of recupency into one of recusancy. 8 months, people should be able to say “this is the direction of Mr. President”. 8 months, people should be able to say “Mr. President’s stance for this”. There is a difference between amiability; there is a difference between decency and activism. The president must leave his position of political, and social and administrative lethargy and take the driver’s seat.

As Mr. President, he drives, and others follow. So whereas I appeal to Nigerians to be patient with him, I equally call on Mr. President to ascend the challenges of governance, and he cannot do that except he take the driver’s seat as the political dowager, the political emir of Sun Jordan, and the political major dobo, the buck stops at his table.