Analysis Paralysis

Are you thinking what I am thinking you are thinking? No, really, are you?

Over-analysis has and is still destroying so many relationships that its not even funny anymore. Analysis has replaced communication. This has happened because everybody is on full guard now. People have been hurt so much that no one wants to show their hand too early for fear of risking getting hurt or looking stupid. The dating world has evolved into a battleground; a guerrilla warfare - snipe and retreat is the mode of combat. There are no more ladies and gentlemen. We are now all enemy-combatants with one aim - eject at the slightest sign of trouble. People are no longer interested in having dialogue and resolving issues like normal people used to do, so they shy away from controversy. The result is everybody lying to each other about their real beliefs, inner feelings, deep thoughts, and deep-seated prejudices. What we get instead is what the other party thinks we want to hear but not really what they are thinking, and the lie is nurtured, fed, and nourished until it becomes too big to maintain by which time it's too late, and you are headed for nothing but a catastrophe. People have lied themselves into marriages only to realize a couple of years after marriage that they can't keep on living this lie, and then the real you comes out and BOOM, it's over!

I am a staunch believer in being yourself no matter the circumstance. It's easier in the long run. Friends tell me " if you do that you are going to eff up your relationship o". I say "make e eff up na". Ah-ah! Why do I have to pretend? Besides I am not good at it. I'd rather have a relationship end now because of who I am than pretend to be something else and then end up in a quagmire five years and two and half kids later. Then you'll really be in a hot mess. You might even end up paying $44k a month like Nas, btw does he even have that kind of money? Na wa oh, these Yankee people dey crase oh. Wetin small pikin go carry $44K a month do, for 18years! Omo, before you begin pour that thing inside make una dey think thrice o. Damn. $44k a month! That's $528K a year for one ejaculation! Damn playa! That is one costly nut! What happened to Pamela? She never complains, doesn't talk back, doesn't have headaches, or even PMS! And to make matters worse that pikin might even end up being brainwashed by the mama to think that you don't love him/her and that's why you left. Especially if you are not in the same geographical area for whatever reason. After $500K a year for 18 years?! Kai, Wallahi! I go woz person eh. Make any pikin come tell me say "You are not my dad. My step daddy loves and cares for me more than you". Thunder fire ya step-papa nyash! On top my money again. Chai. God save you say dis no be Naija. Na cutlass I for carry design ya back. Little oloshi. If you like don't board that plane and come and visit me. Maaaan, at this rate Nas will have to continue rapping for the next 30 years just to catch up on payments. Jesu! Watch out for new Nas album coming soon to record stores near you. But any way I am digressing.

Ehen. I was saying......what was I saying sef? Ehen, I was saying be yourself o. And this over analysis thing sef. It's really a big problem now o. Instead of communicating with each other. partners would rather try to figure out why he or she said that, "what is he trying to get to", "does he think I'm an idiot", "eeeeehn?, I will show him", "im neva see anything". And the chess game begins. You mean A but you say B, hoping that he will say C that will lead you to D, and by the time you know it you are in Neverland. "I will Never date a Nigerian guy again". " I will Never date an Ibo guy again", "I will never date......"! You begin nursing wounds, waiting for the next victim to cross your path, and as soon as the poor thing walks into your hunting perimeter you pounce. He will receive all the vengeance that you did not have time to visit on your past adversary. " What do you take me for, this will not happen here o", "You don't know who you are dealing with"! "By the time I finish with you eh"! Why? What will happen by the time you finish with him?

Let the past be the past. I personally believe in starting with a new slate . Man, I just remembered when we still used to go to school with slates. Some kids even had designer slates o! Naija! Only in Naija! I had to charcoal my own slate fresh every morning so that it was black enough for legibility. Man how times have changed. Do kids today even know what a slate is? Anyways, who cares? I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt until they erase that trust. Yes, I will be burned a few times but if you don't do that then you might end up with analysis paralysis and miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Omo, it's lunch time already. Time flies when you are having fun o. Make I blow 'cause I got some peppersouping and bigstouting to do! Catch y'all later! One.